I must preface this by saying, while I was having a pity party for myself last night, this is in no way a ploy to get sympathy from anyone. I just needed to write it out.
I was thinking about my social life, or lack thereof, and it got me thinking about the course of events that have led me to where I am today. There have been things that happened in my life that I would rather have not had to go through, but I'm trying to look at them like stepping stones on this particular path I'm on.
I see posts and pictures on Facebook from women I was close friends with in high school. They're still hanging out together, having fun...without me. Do I feel left out? Sure. Do I feel cheated? Sometimes. You see, something I did at the end of my senior year was the worst thing I could do for my friendships; I lied about something. I do admit I made a mistake, but at 18, who doesn't make mistakes in life?
This event led to being in a relationship that, for the better, changed my life forever. If I hadn't gotten into this relationship, I never would have gotten so close to his family, which in turn (after we broke up) is how I met Hubby. If I hadn't met Hubby, I wouldn't have my two beautiful girls. So, while I sit here feeling sorry for myself that I have no friends and no social life, really, it's because of that that I have my wonderful family. It's like a lose-win situation...kind of.
I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who think "well, just go make some new friends." Sure, that's easy said than done for an introvert like me. I'm still an awkward kid inside who doesn't know what to say and feels stupid when meeting new people. Having lost all my high school friends means I have to start from scratch which isn't a pleasant thought for me.
Again, this isn't me trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me (I do that enough), but I sometimes feel like if I can just get it out there it'll make me feel better. I'm happy where I am, I love Hubby, Munchkin and Squishy with all my heart and I wouldn't change a thing about them. It's just...a girl needs friends, ya know?